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Blog #2: Friday The 13th Part VI and VII

Hey, I’m back. First, before I review the horrifying experiences that were Friday The 13th: Jason Lives and The New Blood, I wanted to address a mistake I made at the end of my last blog. I made a passing mention that in the next blog post that I would talk about Silent Hill. This was a mistake as I was pretty much just looking for a filler to make this blog longer. I will not be reviewing Silent Hill. I don’t have a system to play it, unless you count Silent Hill: Shattered Memories for the Wii, but I don’t think that I want to put myself through that amount of torture. Pretty much, horror game reviews are going to be extremely rare and are going to be awesome when they do happen! I might try and get someone to write horror game reviews for the blog, but for now, they’re going to be extremely rare. Anyhow, I’m not going to waste anymore time. Let’s dive right into Friday The 13th: Part VI

Now, before I do this review, I want to just come right out and say it. Though I bash them, I love watching the Friday The 13th movies. Though they’re horrible, I’ve had a lot of fun watching them. Also, I haven’t seen II, III, IV, V, or X, so those reviews will have to wait a while. Anyways, Jason Lives really sucks, but is a ton of fun to watch. I would say I wouldn’t spoil anything, but who gives a damn if I spoil it? Everyone knows the story of the Friday the 13th movies, dead hockey player guy kills teens. Simplest plot ever! Anyways, there’s no one famous is in this movie with the exception of Kane Hodder who a majority of you probably don’t know anyway. This movie has some of the worst kills I’ve ever seen on film. Oh yeah, worse than Dead Silence. But, it’s going to be a while before I talk about Dead Silence. Jason Lives, the worst kill by far is actually the one that made me laugh the hardest! There’s a guy who looks like Rick Moranis on crack, running through a forest with a paintball gun. Jason then grabs him and throws him into a tree. If that isn’t bad enough, it LEAVES A SMILY FACE IMPRINT ON THE TREE! WHAT THE CRAP? Worst kill ever! The other one in the movie that sucked is that Jason is beating a person in the bathroom of a trailer. All is fine and good, it doesn’t seem like it’s going to be a bad kill until Jason slams her head into the steel wall. That’s fine too until her eyes make an imprint in the trailer! Did her eyes really weigh so much that they made an imprint. Overall, it’s a Friday The 13th movie, so it shouldn’t be taken too seriously. All in all, 1 1/2 stars.

God, now I gotta talk about it. My least favorite movie in the series thus far. Part VII: The New Blood. OH MY GOD! This is not only the worst movie in the series, but the worst in the series BY FAR!  God, this movie brings the horrifying nature of the movies to it’s peak and I don’t mean the kills. It starts with a very stupid sequence where a man is beating his wife and his daughter, Gina who looks like Carol Anne from Poltergeist. But that can’t be as the actress who played Carol Anne in Poltergeist at the age of twelve two years before this was made. SCROLL, SCROLL! Gina runs out on the lake in a boat while the father screams at her. She finds that she has telekinetic powers and uses them to accidentally kill her father. That scene doesn’t really make sense because he only fell from a distance of about 7 feet. Could he really not swim? If he couldn’t swim, why in the world were they staying at a lake? Whatever, I’m taking this way too seriously . She uses her telekinetic powers to  awaken Jason and the rest is exactly what you would expect. The end really makes me crack up, Jason gets thrown around by her telekinetic powers. It’s like slapstick. I could, in all seriousness, see the Three Stooges or Benny Hill doing this. I’m dead serious. Jason gets thrown through a staircase, has a roof fall on him, gets thrown through the floor, stabbed by nails and set on fire! In the words of The Angry Video Game Nerd, man, Jason gets all kind of f****d up! All in all, it is a Friday The 13th movie, but it reminds me more of slapstick.

Finally, I wanted to just recommend a great website for horror game reviews. The address is http://www.thespoonyexperiment.com. It’s a great website and I strongly encourage everyone to check it out. Anyways, I’ m out of here. This one was a little short compared to my last post, but trust me I’ve got some great reviews coming up and check out my non- horror review of the new Harry Potter movie if you haven’t checked it out yet. Beware, take care because the freaks come out at night!


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